Thunder never followed lightning faster: "Goddam you! That's what you've been thinking? You must be off your nut!" He paused, out of breath. "Do you think that when I've got you-and I don't just mean your body, but youdo you think I'd go, or need to go fooling around with every kid with eyes for a build? What the hell's the matter with you anyway, Pat?" He stopped again redfaced. Besides, I wouldn't tell you about it anyhow if I did, would I? I told you about Jerry because I want to see if we can't help him out. Your advice is what I wanted-not your permission." And, his exasperation momentarily exhausted, he sat in silence before Pat, who was so unaccustomed to emotional blasts from Chuck that he could only sheepishly half-grin, then stammer, "Well, I . . . you

But Chuck couldn't wait, continuing, though more quietly. "You know, Pat, when, you're with a guy, you can tell a hell of a lot about him, and I suppose it's the same with married couples . . ." He lit another cigarette, considering his words carefully. "When he holds you, you know just by his touch when he's depressed, when he feels that everything's going against him-or just the opposite, his arms tell you when there's nothing standing between him and the stars." He paused, watching Pat, and his voice lowered as he spoke with his great friend, a companion whose simple, urgent emotions compelled gentleness as does a youth's earnestly given trust. "And I know how you . . . how you feel about me without your having to tell me every hour, like you'd have to tell an anxious housewife. And you must know how I feel, and that what we have together is more than just a . . . a couple of bodies that feel nicer together than apart-haven't we ...

He waited.

"Hell, Chuck, of course we do, but sometimes you .

"If I seem indifferent," he volunteered quickly, it's only because I'm afraid of too much of a good thing. And that's the only reason. He stood over Pat, his hands restlessly gripping his shoulders. "But right now I think we could both use a little nip." And the embrace said the rest. "Now I've got to go, Pat. Throw away the dishes, we'll buy new ones."

His eyes tightly shut, Pat still clung to Chuck, fondling his hair with his huge hands. "And what about Jerry?"

"I don't know. I figured I couldn't let things go on like this much longer with Jerry or I'd be getting fired. So I asked him this afternoon if he'd meet me for a talk." He laughed. "I'm surprised that he didn't kiss my feet, he looked so happy sort of blushed and almost dropped all his sketches; you know what they're like. But I can't just tell him 'Beat it, Kid!' Jeez I can remember how it feels. It's usually before you realize what your feelings imply-and when that realization comes, that's when you need somebody, not for sex, but for reassurance: somebody who can say 'It's okay, kid, I know how it is . . .' But hell, we may not even be here then, so what can I do?"

"Give him a word of encouragement and he'll be climbing all over you," he replied quickly. “A kid's all raw feelings, and he's not sure what to do with 'em. It's easy to get in trouble Chuckie, even though you only want to help. How about his folks?"

"What about them . . .”

"They're the ones who should be helping him."

"He may not seem queer to them. I'd never have known right off if he hadn't started trailing behind me like a lonesome dog. Anyway, for all I know he may not be. Lots of fellas admire an older guy for awhile, just because he